I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
