Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
