if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
