Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
