Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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