Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Couch. On fire.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
