What a fucking waste of an outfit
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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