someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
barbara walters just said penis...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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