Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So. Much. Porn.
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