Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
