Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
