every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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