does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
