i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
