i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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