You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
