We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
