every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
