Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize