Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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