I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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