This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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