Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
pop tarts are not kleenex
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
