why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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