I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
