i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
