if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
