Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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