And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
