We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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