God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ttyl tear gas
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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