Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
