Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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