why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
