I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
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