You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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