Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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