woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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