All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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