I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
