I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
