Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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