Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
