dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize