mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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