at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm too high and old for this...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
