If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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