TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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