tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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