My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
