Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
