i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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