Hey man sorry I got all grabby
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
