This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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