I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
