the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
