Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
