hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I lost the right to judge tonight
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
