I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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