Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
