Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
