i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
