My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize